Cohabitation - Living together without the benefit of Marriage

Thought you might want to read about a rapidly increasing portion of our society. Ken

EdStetzer.com

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Cohabitation Study Posted: 10 Nov 2009 02:58 AM PST Remember that Bon Jovi song from the late 80s, "Living in Sin?" Well, I'm guessing half of you do. It's about "love" justifying living together as a married couple, without a marriage covenant. The song shouts, "I call it love, they call it living in sin!" Remember? Rock ballad, black and white video? Anyway, people are still talking about it and more people are living together today than they were back in the 1980s. At LifeWay Research, we wanted to know more. In June of 2008 (and September 2007), we conducted related surveys (thankfully, not about Bon Jovi) for a recent book on parenting, The Parent Adventure: Preparing Your Children For a Lifetime With God, by Selma & Rodney Wilson and Scott McConnell. In our study, we found that 6% of all parents with children under 18 years of age in their home are living with a partner to whom they are not married. To give this some context, we first determined that 69% of all parents are married and 31% are single. We asked these single parents the following question: Which of the following best describes you today? you are the only adult in your household (18% of all parents; 58% of single parents) you live with another adult family member (6% of all parents; 21% of single parents) you live with a room mate with whom you are not involved in a relationship (1% of all parents; 2% of single parents) you live with a partner with whom you are involved in a relationship" (6% of all parents; 19% of single parents) The 2008 survey was conducted among a representative sample of 1,077 American adults who have children under 18 years old in their household. A demographically balanced online panel was used for the interviewing and we have 95% confidence that the sampling error for the total sample does not exceed +3.0%. One other study in which we asked a similar question to determine current living situation was a study conducted in April-May 2007 among young adults ages 18-30 who had attended a Protestant church regularly (twice a month or more) for at least a year in high school. We asked all respondents: Please indicate your current living situation. I live with my parents (20%) I live with my spouse (44%) I live with my partner/ significant other (13%) I live with roomate(s) (11%) I live alone (9%) Other (3%) One of the key findings from this study reported in a story last year was that 70% of these young adults ages 23-30 had stopped attending church regularly for at least a year between ages 18 and 22. When we break out the question above by these "dropouts" compared to those who "stayed in church" during these years, we found a statistically significant difference in the percentage who were currently cohabiting. In short, among young adults who had attended a Protestant church regularly in high school, cohabitation is almost twice as likely among those who stop attending church regularly between ages 18 and 22 compared to those who stay in church. 15% of "dropouts" live with a partner or significant other 8% of those who "stayed in church" live with a partner or significant other Dropouts = adults ages 18-30 who had attended a Protestant church regularly for at least a year in high school but stopped attending regularly for at least a year between ages 18 and 22. Stayed in church = adults ages 18-30 who had attended a Protestant church regularly for at least a year in high school and continued attending regularly between ages 18 and 22. This study was conducted among a representative sample of 1,023 young adults ages 18-30 who had attended a Protestant church regularly (twice a month or more) for at least a year in high school. A demographically balanced online panel was used for the interviewing and we have 95% confidence that the sampling error for the total sample does not exceed +3.1%. It is probably not a surprise that those who are cohabiting are also more likely to be dropouts, but it does speak to some of the challenges in reaching adults in our culture. I'm interested in how you deal with people living together? How do you reach them, answer their questions, and minister to them?

Basketball and Life

I have been watching a lot of basketball - not as much as driving up and down the interstate - but none the less a lot of basketball. And it has been great. Not TV, but live college basketball with all of the excitement imaginable. It makes it more exciting when your daughter is playing! More about that is another post soon.

I just read a very interesting article about another female basketball player, just a few years older than MArgaret but younger than Katie who has been criticized. Candace Parker, who is many of my daughter's favorite female athlete, recently got pregnant. Read this well written article.

Parker Deserves Support, Not Censure, for Embracing Motherhood 

By Colleen Carroll Campbell
Posted: Saturday, February 14, 2009


ARTICLE
St. Louis Post Dispatch
Publication Date: February 12, 2009

Last month in California, 33-year-old unemployed single mother of six, Nadya Suleman, gave birth to octuplets conceived through in vitro fertilization and promptly hired a publicist to field the torrent of interview requests and book-deal offers headed her way. That same week, a group of middle-aged single mothers in New Jersey was the subject of a fawning profile in The New York Times that celebrated their decisions to intentionally create fatherless families. And just last week, 60-year-old Canadian Ranjit Hayer enjoyed celebratory headlines when she gave birth to twins conceived through IVF, becoming a first-time mother at an age when most women are doting on their grandchildren.

It was in this context of unconventional motherhood that St. Louis-born WNBA star Candace Parker recently announced her pregnancy. Parker probably figured the news would be non-controversial, given that the fresh-faced Los Angeles Sparks forward and Olympic gold medalist is happily married to Sacramento Kings forward Shelden Williams. Both earn more than enough to support a family: Parker alone reaps millions on and off the court as one of the most celebrated women athletes in the world.

But Parker's pregnancy was not greeted with the same approval and tolerance that many of today's child-bearing sexagenarians and single mothers by choice enjoy when they form their families. Instead, Parker was blasted by fans and pundits for becoming a mother at age 22. Critics bemoaned her selfishness in putting maternal ambitions ahead of her team's 2009 season prospects. Others lamented her foolishness for starting a family when she should be living a strings-free existence oriented around her glamorous career.

Not long ago, a 22-year-old woman was considered plenty old enough to marry and bear children. But in today's era of prolonged adolescence and commitment phobia, high-achieving women like Parker often face ridicule and scorn for defying the feminist conventional wisdom that marriage and motherhood are second-rate pursuits best delayed until middle age. Young mothers frequently are accused of forfeiting a hard-won feminist privilege: the right to spend their 20s single-mindedly pursuing sexual license, success and self-fulfillment without the hassles of a husband and children.

For her part, Parker told the Los Angeles Times that she wanted her children to grow up witnessing the athletic career of their young mother rather than arriving after it ends. Although she believes she can return to basketball as a mother, Parker said, "The biggest thing for me is not a matter of if or when [I return] but of coming back with a good balance in my life."

Parker's view of motherhood as "a blessing" that will "make me a fuller, happier person" is not as unusual as the media hoopla over her pregnancy suggests. As The Wall Street Journal recently reported, the National Center for Health Statistics has released data showing that the mean age at which American women bear their first babies decreased for the first time since the collection of such data began in 1968. The decline in age among first-time mothers was slight -- from 25.2 years in 2005 to 25.0 years in 2006, the latest year for which numbers are available -- but the biggest uptick in first-time births was found among women in their early 20s.

The reasons behind that uptick vary from mother to mother. But the ones Parker cited surely motivate many young women, as does the desire to avoid the trials of infertility and single motherhood often experienced by women who awaken late to their longing for children. Rather than being criticized, Parker ought to be applauded for bearing her child in the stable context of a marriage and daring to trade some of her youthful freedom for the grown-up reward of committed family love.

-- Colleen Carroll Campbell is an author, television and radio host and St. Louis-based fellow at the Ethics and Public Policy Center. Her website is www.colleen-campbell.com.

9.80 APG 3.8 EFF + 21.67
Born: Apr 19, 1986
Height: 6-4 / 1,93
Weight: 175 lbs. / 79,4 kg.
College: Tennessee
Years Pro: 1

More Random items of Interest to ME!

At a church I pastored in the past, I posted on our website statistics from scientific studies concerning living together before marriage. These were not just a preachers opinions - but well documented and researched studies. My oldest, Katie, read them and shared them with here friends from Campbell University. They were all biology students and it was common for them to read research studies in the course work the were taking. I believe God used Katie and these studies to warn and help these girls.

- Here is something similar from Ray Fowler. Check it out here.

- Here is a fellow PCA pastor's perspective on how to pray for our new president.

- Here is part of a great article a Boliver, TN resident sent to me.
I used to avoid this truth by applauding - as you can - the practical work of mission churches in Africa. It's a pity, I would say, that salvation is part of the package, but Christians black and white, working in Africa, do heal the sick, do teach people to read and write; and only the severest kind of secularist could see a mission hospital or school and say the world would be better w
ithout it. I would allow that if faith was needed to motivate missionaries to help, then, fine: but what counted was the help, not the faith.
But this doesn't fit the facts. Faith does more than support the missionary; it is also transferred to his flock. This is the effect that matters so immensely, and which I cannot help observing.

Read the whole article here - it is well worth your time!

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Advice for those that are not married - Who you should marry!

With one child married and four to go - I liked this list and think Katie did it right! - So did I!

Full article here.

     So then, whom could you marry?  A long time ago we came up with something we called "Esolen's Rules."  They're only half facetious.  But they are an attempt to get at the normal:

1. Don't marry a woman who likes cats but does not like dogs.  You may marry a woman who doesn't like either, or whose reason for not liking dogs is that one of them bit her when she was a toddler.  But a woman who likes cats but does not like dogs will be a Joan Crawford or Jane Wyman.  Ronald Reagan married Jane Wyman, and look how sorry he was about that.

2. Don't marry a man who is neater than you are.  You may, however, marry a man who polishes his tools and puts them away after use....

3. Don't marry anybody, man or woman, who says, "I'm going to call you at eight," and then leaves you waiting by the phone for an hour.  Exceptions can be made for people who are kidnapped by Arabs, or who have epileptic seizures.

4. Don't marry anybody who insists on a separate bank account, bed, bathroom, vacation, or zip code.  It makes no sense to be one flesh and two wallets.

5. Don't marry a woman who spends more on makeup than she does on food.  In general, don't marry a woman who engages in the sin of reverse gluttony.

6. Don't marry a man who does not like dogs.  Such men do not like children.  Don't marry a man who does not like children.  On the other hand, I have known at least one excellent man who thought he didn't like children, until he had some; seven, I think, at last count.  Perhaps the rule may be rephrased: Don't marry a man whom you cannot imagine rolling on the ground in a wrestling hold, with a Labrador retriever or three children, or hollering on a ferris wheel, with a Labrador retriever or three children.

7. Don't marry a woman who exercises so frequently that you cannot tell if she is a woman or a very strange looking 13-year-old boy.  I'm going out on a line here, but the real purpose of the rule is to determine whether she will mind getting fat, as happens when you are going to have a child.  In other words, don't marry a woman whom you cannot imagine having a child.  Do not marry a woman who does not like children.

8. Do not marry a man who treats his mother or his sisters discourteously.  As he treats his mother, so will he treat you.  But by all means do not marry a man who takes his direction from his mother, or who is ruled by his mother's ambitions.  Mama's boys are unhappy, and they make their wives unhappy too.  So are the mothers of mama's boys, come to think of it.  Unhappy days are here again.

9. Do not marry a woman who sneers at innocent male pastimes, such as football.  Such women do not really enjoy the company of men, and after a period soon reached, do not enjoy the company of their own husbands.  They are also the most ignorant of what men are really like.  You may marry a tomboy, so long as she's a girlish tomboy and doesn't take the sport with dreadful seriousness.  You may marry a Daddy's girl, so long as she is not spoiled when it comes to money.

10. Never marry anyone who is secretive about money.  Such people are also secretive about sex.

11. Never marry a man who lets you take the initiative in everything.  You want a jellyfish, maybe?  You want Burt Lancaster instead.

12. Never marry a woman who never lets you take the initiative in anything.  You want a porcupine, maybe?  You want Maureen O'Hara instead.

13. Never marry a woman who does not laugh at your jokes or your buffoonery.  That is one of the nicest ways in which men "serve" women, and women respond by taking delight in the antics.  That is why God made impersonators of Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, and Homer Simpson.  It may in fact be the principal justification for the existence of Marlon Brando, Sean Connery, and Homer Simpson.  This rule is simply an instance of the more general rule that you should never marry a woman who does not genuinely admire you, nor should a woman marry a man whom she does not admire.

14. Never marry anyone who delights in "exposing" you in public.  Teasing does not count; in fact, never marry a man who cannot be teased.  You can marry a woman who cannot be teased.

15. Never marry a man who is not admired by respectable male friends.  The people in the world who know a man best are the men he works and plays with.  They know well if he is a cheat, a thug, a loser.  You may marry a man who does not have female friends.  If anything, you should be suspicious of a man whose friends are principally female.  The men may be avoiding him, and there is a reason for that.

16. Never marry anyone who is not interested in looking at your fourth-grade yearbook.  This means: never marry anyone who seems unaware that he or she is marrying also a family, a hometown, a past, silly friends, comedies and tragedies.  Never marry anyone who does not want to meet your father and mother.  If your sister doesn't like him, dump him.  If your sister doesn't like her, dump her.  That is why God created sisters.  Their approval, however, is not a sufficient condition; they will occasionally like losers, but they almost never detest good marrying material.

17. Never marry a feminist of either sex.  That would be as bad as marrying someone with the soul (not the occupation, but the soul) of a lawyer.

18. Never marry anyone whom you catch in a lie, even a little one.  Trust us on this one.  People in love are about the most gullible creatures on God's green earth.  In fact, beside the dictionary entry on "gullible" there's a picture of a woman in love, eyes looking dreamily upward, hands holding her chin; and a picture of an indignant young man defending the honor of his beloved, who would never do such a thing, no sir!

19. Never marry a woman who does not like to feed people, or a man who does not like to help out with the removal of a junked car, regardless of how much he knows about junked cars.  By all means marry a woman who enjoys seeing men eat, or a man who looks at a mudslide and says, "I can make a really fine wall out of that."

20. Never marry anyone, man or woman, who scoffs at virtue, who reduces "good" and "evil" to arbitrary counters in the war of all against all, whose humor is flippancy, who looks down upon janitors and maids, who cannot delight in making simple things (like a batting T or a thank-you note), who thinks tradition is old and shopworn (such people are followers of every fad that comes), and who is never, ever, just relaxed, grateful for a shady seat under the maple tree in fall.  That is another way of saying that you should never marry anyone who does not know who God is.